Something James, 26, knows for sure about his penis is that it won’t get hard when he’s sleeping with a woman for the first time. No, it has nothing to do with how attracted he is to her. It’s just a classic case of performance anxiety, caused by his personal fears about how awkward and uncomfortable the experience could be—which, of course, turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Condoms: It may sound like an excuse to get out of wearing a condom, but many guys have problems maintaining an erection when putting one on. The interruption of sex play is often distracting, as is the stress of putting on a condom. Other times, deeper concerns, like guilt or performance anxiety, manage to seep into a guy's consciousness when there's a pause in sexual activity.
"This triggers the release of a neurotransmitter called dopamine, and it sends a chemical message from the brain to the penis, causing an increase of blood flow to the penis. The blood vessels leading to the reproductive system then relax and this allows increased circulation in the genital area. When you aren't aroused, the blood vessels in your penis are only partially open. But when your brain sends messages to your penis that you are ready for sex, the vessels open and allow more blood to enter the area. Because of the increased blood flow, blood gets trapped in the penis, which makes the penis expand and causes an erection."
Men with a healthy lifestyle and no chronic disease had the lowest risk for erectile dysfunction; the greatest difference was seen for men aged 65-79. For instance, men who exercised at least three hours per week had a 30% lower risk for ED than those who exercised little. Obesity, smoking, and excessive TV watching were also associated with having a greater risk of erectile dysfunction.
It’s important not to take a bout of psychological ED personally. Still, when confronting a suddenly soft penis in the moment, “It’s not you” can be hard to believe. For instance, Erin, 22, tried—really tried—to make sex with Drew* happen. The first time his erection died right before they were about to have sex, she improvised and gave him “really long” oral instead. But the lack of a boner was confusing. “That had never happened to me with a sexual partner, so I was like, ‘Okay, he’s just not into me,’” Erin recalls.
Most men may not openly talk about their erection problems, but erectile dysfunction — when a man cannot achieve or maintain an erection well enough or long enough to have satisfying sex — is very common. According to the National Institutes of Health, 5 percent of 40-year-olds and 15 to 25 percent of 65-years old have ED. But while ED is more likely to occur as a man gets older, it doesn’t come automatically with age.

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“With the success of Viagra-type drugs, there has been a tendency to start all patients with ED on one of these drugs and not look much further for a medical cause. But we now know that ED may be an early warning for heart and blood vessel disease, so it is important to look for common risk factors. These include high blood pressure, diabetes, medications, smoking, drinking, and drugs,” said Dr. Wang.
"Smoking is a short- and long-term cause of erectile dysfunction," warns Feloney. "In the short-term nicotine constricts the blood vessels that you need to get an erection, and in the long-term nicotine contributes to hardening of the arteries that can cause erectile dysfunction." Some approaches for quitting include making a clean break, avoiding the triggers of smoking, trying a nicotine patch or gum, and joining a smoke cessation program.

For more information, check out the related Q&As. And while you're determining the cause of your partner's ED, you can still be intimate with activities other than intercourse that you both enjoy. As an exercise, you can try focusing on non-genital sensations, such as kissing and cuddling. You can also pleasure by caressing, touching, and stroking one another, having oral sex, or incorporating sex toys into your sex play. What non-intercourse intimacies do you enjoy? What about your partner? Have you discussed all the things you like that don't require an erection? Enjoying each other's company might give you both the emotional support and physical intimacy you need to help maintain a spark and eventually get the fire going again. Good luck,


Both James and Michael fit the profile of millennial ED: healthy men with functional penises who experience occasional deflation for psychological reasons rather than mechanical issues (the latter of which typically plagues older men). Researchers and the medical community are aware of this specific problem facing younger men, says Landon Trost, MD, a urologist at the Mayo Clinic.
Gray-haired men soaking in Jacuzzis overlooking canyons, thumbing through the morning newspaper in their thick reading glasses, cuddling their wives on gently swaying hammocks while drinking sensible glasses of cabernet...the classic erectile-dysfunction commercials of the past 20 years were pretty clear about who they wanted to reach. Ever since, those iconic images have defined who we as a society assume are in need of penis pills: men of retirement age.

Erectile dysfunction in older men. Because erections primarily involve the blood vessels, it is not surprising that the most common causes in older men are conditions that block blood flow to the penis, such as atherosclerosis or diabetes. Another vascular cause may be a faulty vein, which lets blood drain too quickly from the penis. Other physical disorders, as well as hormonal imbalances and certain operations, may also result in erectile dysfunction.
Remember those cultural messages we discussed earlier, about how men are wild sex aliens from the planet Weenus? Well, men are raised hearing those messages, too, and they can end up screwing with their sexual self-image —for instance, they can lead men to obsess over their own virility, and panic about impressing a new partner, until they've thought their boner into a corner and can't get an erection. Performance anxiety is one of the most common culprits behind lost erections, especially among younger, less experienced men.
"It definitely was a blow to my masculinity," Francis told Mic. "It didn't help that my wife at the time would say that I must be gay if I couldn't keep it up for her." Compounding the issue, if an erection doesn't happen during a given sexual encounter, the man can obsess over it, inevitably creating pressure and making it difficult for him to become fully aroused during future encounters. 
The production factory of your semen is on an industrial scale, constructed from multiple locations in your genitourinary system. First there are the stars of the show, your spermatozoa, which are naturally synthesised in the seminiferous tubules within your testicles. During the ejaculation process, these then pass through your ejaculatory ducts and blend with fluids from your prostate, seminal vesicles and bulbourethral glands. This melting pot forms your semen as it arrives via urethral meatus (the end of your penis) to the cold light of day – or night.
Sit down with your partner and talk honestly about your sex together. Is it good? Do you both like it? This is important, because feeling discontent can cause you to lose an erection frequently. So open up. Maybe one or both of you isn’t enjoying the sex anymore. You can definitely improve the quality of sex that you have, but it’s start with honesty. Frequency, intensity, and a number of other things from scents to bad breath can dramatically impact sex.
Watch whatever you eat: poor diet is also the reason for weak erections. As per the research, specific eating patterns cause heart attacks due to the restricted blood flow in coronary arteries which impede blood flow to the penis. Blood flow is also required for the penis to make it erect. Some of the diets also include vegetables and fruits that have fried, fatty and even processed foods that contributed to decreasing the blood circulation throughout the whole body. Anything which is terrible for man’s heart is also wrong for his penis and gaining an erection. One can learn how to keep an erection
"Erectile dysfunction medication interferes with the process that allows blood to leave the penis," adds Reitano. "Men with erectile dysfunction would benefit from having the chemicals leading to the erection outweigh the actions of the chemicals that cause the penis to lose its firmness, to have the systems that cause the inflow outweigh the chemicals that cause the outflow."

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In the long term, the best thing you can do for ED problems is “stay playful and keep the focus off getting your partner erect,” says Goldberg. Experiment with new erotic scenarios and situations, like having sex in a different room, wearing lingerie, or role-playing your fave fantasy. Oh, and don’t limit yourselves to just intercourse either (which applies to all couples, whether or not you’re dealing with ED). “The broader your definition of sex,” Goldberg says, “the more sex you can be having.” 

Watch whatever you eat: poor diet is also the reason for weak erections. As per the research, specific eating patterns cause heart attacks due to the restricted blood flow in coronary arteries which impede blood flow to the penis. Blood flow is also required for the penis to make it erect. Some of the diets also include vegetables and fruits that have fried, fatty and even processed foods that contributed to decreasing the blood circulation throughout the whole body. Anything which is terrible for man’s heart is also wrong for his penis and gaining an erection. One can learn how to keep an erection
Stiffy Solution: The good news is, almost all of these conditions can be successfully treated if you catch them early on. And since erectile problems may be the first side effect your dude has experienced, seeking medical treatment for his erectile problems may be the thing to get him into a doctor's office. So if your dude is a well-rested, non-drinking, non-smoking, paragon of relaxation who suddenly can't get wood, urge him to talk to his doctor — his misbehaving penis may actually be communicating something way more important than "Not tonight, honey."
Be intimate in new ways. If your sex is focused just on penetration and climax, you may feel under more pressure to quickly get and maintain an erection, which can make this harder to do. Try to find new and more varied ways to be intimate with your partner that are not just about sprinting to the finish line. Take time with each other, such as taking a bath or shower together or massaging each other.[9] 

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Remember that he is in his 40's, and that's a huge factor too. Around the age of 30, testosterone, androgen, and other hormone levels gradually begin to drop at about a rate of 1 percent. and as a direct result, by the time a man reaches 40, hormone drops cause loss of muscle mass and increased body fat. As a man reaches 45 these gradual hormone drops cause brain capacity and function to slowly regress. This, mixed with risks of genetic diseases like diabetes and high blood pressure, all take a toll on the body, especially the sex organs. Those who are physically active are at a huge advantage, as working out inhibits hormone levels, the neuromuscular system, and protein synthesis to maintain. 

Not to give your already stressed-out dude one more thing to worry about, but stress is the cause of 20 percent of all erectile problems, from one-off boner blunders to a lingering inability to get and maintain an erection. Of course, sex difficulties are just the tip of the stress-induced health problem iceberg — sustained stress can also lead to insomnia, stomach troubles, chest pains, anxiety, and more severe health issues in the long term.
Some men have had success by using natural supplements to improve their erections. "There are also natural remedies that can be used to improve erectile dysfunction," says Dr. Axe. "This includes herbs such as ginseng, horny goat weed, maca root and ginkgo biloba. You can also try supplementing with L-arginine, DHEA and niacin. If you choose to try natural products to maintain a strong erection, it's still a good idea to discuss this with your doctor, especially if you are also taking medications."

There are different reasons which cause erections and even some factors that make a person lose their erection. It can be troubling for some as it occurs during sexual activity with a partner. Self-consciousness, fatigue, distractions and more can cause the temporary loss of erection. If such things happen, don’t sweat it too much as it is a common and natural occurrence.

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Stiffy Solution: Obviously, no one should ever go off a prescribed med without consulting with a doctor. But there are erection-friendly alternatives to nearly every daisy-wilting medicine listed above. And your dude shouldn't let embarrassment keep him from talking to his GP about this — doctors are well aware that erectile difficulties are a possible side effect for all of these medicines; they just don't know which patients will experience what side effects, so they're waiting for you, the patient, to bring it up.
The third tip for how to keep an erection longer is to frequently switch positions during sex. You’ll like some positions, but hate others. Keep mixing it up. Return to the ones you like every so often, but spend just as much or even more time in the positions you don’t like. As long as the positions aren’t painful for either you or your partner, doing this will lengthen your erection.

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As a relatively young man, Mher was in the minority of patients with erectile dysfunction, who are predominantly over the age of 50. But he's far from the only young man who's struggled with the condition. According to a 2013 study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, an estimated one in four patients with new, onset ED are under the age of 40 — yet because we rarely hear about these men, they're left feeling embarrassed and alone.

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