A dating death sentence: How men perceive their ED issues also changes with age. With older men, "they've had a life of good erections to look back on," Rose Hartzell, Ph.D., EdS, an AASECT-certified sex therapist with San Diego Sexual Medicine, told Mic. But with some younger men who haven't had much opportunity to be sexually active, "they might feel cheated" out of having a good sex life.

What age does a man stop getting hard?


A 2013 study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine evaluated 439 men for erectile dysfunction and compared ED causes and frequency in men 40 or younger to men over 40. They found that 26 percent of the younger men had ED. Although these men were healthier and had higher levels of testosterone than the older men, they were more likely to be smokers or to have used illicit drugs. In almost half of the younger men with ED, the ED was considered severe.
About 5 percent of men that are 40 years old have complete erectile dysfunction, and that number increases to about 15 percent of men at age 70. Mild and moderate erectile dysfunction affects approximately 10 percent of men per decade of life (i.e., 50 percent of men in their 50s, 60 percent of men in their 60s). Erectile dysfunction can occur at any age, but it is more common in men that are older. Older men are more likely to have health conditions that require medication, which can interfere with erectile function. Additionally, as men age, they may need more stimulation to get an erection and more time between erections.
Remember those cultural messages we discussed earlier, about how men are wild sex aliens from the planet Weenus? Well, men are raised hearing those messages, too, and they can end up screwing with their sexual self-image —for instance, they can lead men to obsess over their own virility, and panic about impressing a new partner, until they've thought their boner into a corner and can't get an erection. Performance anxiety is one of the most common culprits behind lost erections, especially among younger, less experienced men.
Then, to rewind and reset the mood once you’re between the sheets, Goldberg suggests setting aside time for strictly fooling around. Try “sensate focus,” a sex-therapist favorite in which you and your partner majorly slow down your foreplay, focusing heavily on the sensations that feel best to both of you. “This helps make being physically intimate more of a relaxing, sensual, and erotic experience,” Goldberg says. And it helps his body disassociate sex from the stressful experience of losing his hard-on, which can help put a stop to his erection fixation and prime him for full-on intercourse again.
It’s important not to take a bout of psychological ED personally. Still, when confronting a suddenly soft penis in the moment, “It’s not you” can be hard to believe. For instance, Erin, 22, tried—really tried—to make sex with Drew* happen. The first time his erection died right before they were about to have sex, she improvised and gave him “really long” oral instead. But the lack of a boner was confusing. “That had never happened to me with a sexual partner, so I was like, ‘Okay, he’s just not into me,’” Erin recalls.

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