It’s important not to take a bout of psychological ED personally. Still, when confronting a suddenly soft penis in the moment, “It’s not you” can be hard to believe. For instance, Erin, 22, tried—really tried—to make sex with Drew* happen. The first time his erection died right before they were about to have sex, she improvised and gave him “really long” oral instead. But the lack of a boner was confusing. “That had never happened to me with a sexual partner, so I was like, ‘Okay, he’s just not into me,’” Erin recalls.
How often do 70 year olds make love?
If you notice that it is becoming a common occurrence, then a dialogue needs to happen because then it is less about him going limp and more about his personal health. Recommend he see a doctor and let him know you are there for him. Our bodies are clever and are always giving us signs, both positive and negative. This could be a tipping point in his life.
Some men have had success by using natural supplements to improve their erections. "There are also natural remedies that can be used to improve erectile dysfunction," says Dr. Axe. "This includes herbs such as ginseng, horny goat weed, maca root and ginkgo biloba. You can also try supplementing with L-arginine, DHEA and niacin. If you choose to try natural products to maintain a strong erection, it's still a good idea to discuss this with your doctor, especially if you are also taking medications."
This simple five-question quiz asks you to rank your erections in various situations (during the past 6 months) on a scale from 1-5. It’s not a perfect tool, but it’s simple, short, and gets you thinking about the difference between just getting an erection and being hard enough for penetration and a healthy sex life (because those are two different things).
Assuming an absence of any significant spinal damage or hormonal disorders, the potential barriers are in fact different at stage one and two. At stage one, anything that causes impairment in your psychological ability to become stimulated will hamper an activation of your nervous system. At stage two, anything that contributes to a narrowing of blood vessels will hamper the engorgement of your erection.
Low libido can be caused by many different things including medications, fatigue, recreational drugs, alcohol, depression, relationship problems, fear, systemic illness, and testosterone deficiency. Problems with maintaining an erection is a common symptom of erectile dysfunction (ED), and can be frustrating to deal with when trying to engage in any type of sexual activity. In most cases, ED is triggered by one or more health problems or unhealthy lifestyle habits, but can be improved or resolved by treating the underlying cause, which may be vascular, neurologic, penile, hormonal, drug induced, or psychogenic.
Men with a healthy lifestyle and no chronic disease had the lowest risk for erectile dysfunction; the greatest difference was seen for men aged 65-79. For instance, men who exercised at least three hours per week had a 30% lower risk for ED than those who exercised little. Obesity, smoking, and excessive TV watching were also associated with having a greater risk of erectile dysfunction.
Additionally, financial struggles, issues at work, and issues at home with children or external family can impact the quality of sex you’re having. Remember that sex is a two person game. Both people need to be invested in it for it to be good. And good sex leads to longer, stronger, more powerful erections. It’s in both of your best interest to have better sex.
Improve your nutrition. Certain foods, such as those that are fatty, fried, sugary, and processed, can result in decreased blood flow throughout your body and can contribute to a vascular form of erectile dysfunction. Increase your intake of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and heart-healthy fats to improve your blood circulation and increase the amount of time you’re able to maintain an erection.
Natural treatments: Although natural remedies are increasingly available for sale over the counter, there is little scientific evidence to support their claims of improving ED. These remedies may produce adverse side effects or react negatively with other medications a man is taking. Before trying any over-the-counter treatments, it is essential to consult a doctor.
Smoking and a diet high in animal fat (sausage at breakfast, pizza for lunch, burgers for dinner) are hell on the cardiovascular system. They fill the bloodstream with oxygen ions (“free radicals”) that injure the artery walls and spur formation of fatty, cholesterol-rich deposits, “plaques.” Over time, plaques grow and narrow the arteries, restricting blood flow. When plaques affect the arteries in the heart, the result is heart disease, in the genitals, erection impairment. Studies show that compared with the general population, smokers suffer much more erectile dysfunction (ED). Other studies show that as cholesterol levels increase, so does risk of ED.
Erectile dysfunction is the inability to attain or maintain an erection adequate for the sexual satisfaction of both partners. At one time, doctors tended to blame ED on psychological problems or, with older men, on the normal aging process. Today, urologists say physical factors underlie perhaps 90% of cases of persistent erectile dysfunction in men older than 50.
Though few things are worse for your erection than a cigarette habit, coffee can actually help you out below the belt. A study by the University of Texas Health Science Center at Houston found that men who consumed the caffeine equivalent of 2-3 cups of coffee per day were less likely to suffer from erectile dysfunction than those who preferred to wake up with caffeine-free beverages.
Deposits that clog or stiffen penile arteries can also wilt erections. “Guys tend to think of their arteries as simple pipes that can become clogged, but there’s a lot more going on than that,” says Laurence Levine, M.D., a urologist at Chicago’s Rush-Presbyterian Medical Center. “The linings of those blood vessels are very biologically active areas where chemicals are being made and released into the bloodstream.”
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Most of us are raised to believe that men are ravenous sex-beasts, eternally horny and only pretending to be a part of polite society so that they can find some new crevice to jam their Jeremy Irons into. So the first time we cross paths (and genitals) with a guy who can't get an erection, many of us immediately panic and assume that the problem must be us. We must be profoundly unsexy. After all, what could else possibly stop these hormone-addled maniacs from getting an erection?
Can testosterone increase size?
Obesity. Obesity itself is not a risk factor for ED — but there is a connection. “The bigger concern is that obesity can lead to type 2 diabetes or vascular diseases, which are risk factors for ED,” says Montague. Morbid obesity, a term used to classify individuals who are significantly overweight, can cause hormonal changes that are triggered by excess body fat. In addition, obesity can put physical limitations on sexual intercourse.
Be intimate in new ways. If your sex is focused just on penetration and climax, you may feel under more pressure to quickly get and maintain an erection, which can make this harder to do. Try to find new and more varied ways to be intimate with your partner that are not just about sprinting to the finish line. Take time with each other, such as taking a bath or shower together or massaging each other.
Is erectile dysfunction permanent?
As it turns out, there are actually tons of things that can keep guys from getting an erection that have nothing to do with you (also, all that stuff you learned in middle school about how all guys are hump-crazed sex lunatics might have been slightly off). Between 20 and 30 million American men experience recurring erection difficulties, and almost all men have, at one time or another, had their top ramen refuse to boil. And while erectile issues are often seen as an older man's problem, in reality, one quarter of men seeking medical treatment for erectile difficulties are under 40.
Stiffy Solution: The good news is, almost all of these conditions can be successfully treated if you catch them early on. And since erectile problems may be the first side effect your dude has experienced, seeking medical treatment for his erectile problems may be the thing to get him into a doctor's office. So if your dude is a well-rested, non-drinking, non-smoking, paragon of relaxation who suddenly can't get wood, urge him to talk to his doctor — his misbehaving penis may actually be communicating something way more important than "Not tonight, honey."
"It definitely was a blow to my masculinity," Francis told Mic. "It didn't help that my wife at the time would say that I must be gay if I couldn't keep it up for her." Compounding the issue, if an erection doesn't happen during a given sexual encounter, the man can obsess over it, inevitably creating pressure and making it difficult for him to become fully aroused during future encounters.
Booze. Most men have learned: One too many cocktails doesn’t improve performance; instead, it can have the opposite effect. During a recent study of 1,506 Chinese males, the men who drank three or more drinks a week were more likely to have ED or some form of sexual dysfunction. “Men may find that alcohol decreases social inhibition, which makes it easier to approach a woman,” says Montague. “But alcohol is a depressant, and at higher quantities it can reduce both a man’s desire and ability to perform.”
You may already know that lots of hard drugs — like cocaine, heroin, or Oxycontin — can cause sexual problems (though, quite frankly, if you're on cocaine, heroin, or Oxycontin, you have many more pressing concerns to deal with than getting dirrrty). But did you know that sometimes, even pot can inhibit erections? And you thought weed was just a harmless way to enjoy the musical stylings of Pink Floyd. Who knew it could actually mess with one's own pink floyd?
Condom troubles. Can the simple act of putting on a condom cause so much stress that it actually leads to erectile dysfunction? Sure it can — in fact, one recent survey of 234 young men conducted by the Children's Memorial Hospital in Chicago found that 25 percent had lost an erection while putting on a condom. “Putting on a condom requires a break from stimulation, and when it is on, it can reduce sensation,” says Dr. Montague.
Getting hard is also an overwhelmingly mental task. "Yes, men are saddled with the scheduled 'morning boner' and may experience an occasional random erection but by and large an erection needs to be achieved through mental stimulation," says Backe. "If you aren't turned on, your body isn't going to send more blood to the penis — bottom line. So, ultimately, you need a clean and clear mind for healthy and clear erections. Keeping the mind healthy will allow proper mental stimulation to occur at the right time."
In the long term, the best thing you can do for ED problems is “stay playful and keep the focus off getting your partner erect,” says Goldberg. Experiment with new erotic scenarios and situations, like having sex in a different room, wearing lingerie, or role-playing your fave fantasy. Oh, and don’t limit yourselves to just intercourse either (which applies to all couples, whether or not you’re dealing with ED). “The broader your definition of sex,” Goldberg says, “the more sex you can be having.”
Some of the most reliable ED stats have emerged from a large data collection effort called the Massachusetts Male Aging Study. According to that data, rates of ED among men tend to correlate with their age bracket, says Tobias Köhler, M.D., chief of the Division of Male Infertility at Southern Illinois University. “Roughly 40 percent of men in their 40s suffer from ED, 50 percent in their 50s, etc.,” he says.