While physical anatomy and chemical reaction are both important for getting and keeping an erection, the brain is one of the most vital parts of this puzzle. "An erection is controlled by multiple areas of your brain, including the hypothalamus, limbic system and cerebral cortex," notes Axe. "Stimulatory messages are sent to your spinal erection centers and this facilitates an erection. When there's an issue with your brain's ability to send these important messages, it can increase the smooth muscle tone in your penis and prevent the relaxation that is necessary to get an erection."
Remember what I said before about how it's not you? Okay, sometimes it is you. But it's not that you're not sexy — it's that for men, as well as women, relationship problems (like fighting all the time, or having clashing expectations about where things are going) can severely mess up your sex drive and ability to become aroused. Which makes sense — if you're spending 90 percent of your time together fighting about whether you're going to move in, switching gears to make 10 percent of your time together into a sexy sex party is pretty damned difficult.
The National Institutes of Health estimates that erectile dysfunction strikes as many as 30 million men in the United States. Its prevalence does increase with age — 4 percent of men in their 50s are affected by ED, 17 percent in their 60s, and 47 percent of those over 75. But research has also found that 5 percent of those affected were between 20 and 39.
Erectile dysfunction is no laughing matter. And although it is not an easy thing to talk about, there are trained professionals who can give you good advice about what may be the cause of your current predicament. Many men like to talk about sex, but like women, they may find it harder to talk about sex when it is not going well. You won’t be judged or talked about at BPAS. We are here to help you with some of the more private things in life.

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So not only are erectile problems common, they're nothing for you or your special friend to be freaked out about. Check out the nine most common reasons that dudes sometimes can't get it up, and get ready to become the soothing voice of reason the next time the guy you're with has a hard time pitching his tent in your happy valley. Everything (and every penis) is gonna be fine!
Be intimate in new ways. If your sex is focused just on penetration and climax, you may feel under more pressure to quickly get and maintain an erection, which can make this harder to do. Try to find new and more varied ways to be intimate with your partner that are not just about sprinting to the finish line. Take time with each other, such as taking a bath or shower together or massaging each other.[9]
In the long term, the best thing you can do for ED problems is “stay playful and keep the focus off getting your partner erect,” says Goldberg. Experiment with new erotic scenarios and situations, like having sex in a different room, wearing lingerie, or role-playing your fave fantasy. Oh, and don’t limit yourselves to just intercourse either (which applies to all couples, whether or not you’re dealing with ED). “The broader your definition of sex,” Goldberg says, “the more sex you can be having.”
Obesity. Obesity itself is not a risk factor for ED — but there is a connection. “The bigger concern is that obesity can lead to type 2 diabetes or vascular diseases, which are risk factors for ED,” says Montague. Morbid obesity, a term used to classify individuals who are significantly overweight, can cause hormonal changes that are triggered by excess body fat. In addition, obesity can put physical limitations on sexual intercourse.

Ask about transurethral pharmacotherapy. Your doctor may suggest you try this treatment, which involves placing a suppository into the urethra. The suppository contains alprostadil, which is then absorbed into the blood stream, relaxing blood vessels and improving blood flow into the penis. This treatment is thought to be less effective than the vacuum devices, or injection therapy.[16]

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